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Tired of all that complicated Normal Language? Wish someone could just dumb it down for you, like, *really* dumb it down? Well, kick back, grab a lukewarm generic soda, and let **The Lazy Guys News Translator** do all the hard work, or rather, the *non-work* for you! We take your fancy-pants Normal Language text and transform it into the kind of hard-hitting journalism you’d expect from folks who prioritize snack breaks over fact-checking. Expect every proper noun to be replaced with something bland and easily pronounceable, every beverage to be the cheapest cola available, and every action described with the enthusiasm of someone who just remembered they have microwave burritos in the freezer. After all, who needs details when there’s a rerun of a car show on? We provide information that is so dumbed down that you can read it in the toilet!
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