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Fancy turning the mundane into the magnificent, the prosaic into pure poetry, old boy? Then step lively and prepare to be utterly gobsmacked by “The Best Boris Johnson Translator Ever. Translator”! This rather splendid tool takes your everyday, frightfully normal Normal Language and transforms it, absolutely brick by brick, into the kind of gloriously loquacious, almost Churchillian prose that would make even the most seasoned parliamentarian blush. Think lots of filler phrases, a dash of posh English, the odd mispronounced word, a healthy dose of stuttering and mumbling, and you’re halfway there! It’s over-explaining, it’s unnecessarily elongating syllables, it’s pointless asides, occasional tripping, faltering midsentence, drawing things out until the cows come home, random interjections, mumbling under the breath, slight rambling, and a vague air of pompousness. This translator sounds just like Boris Johnson!
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